Get all 23 Ripcordz releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Fuck Covid (single), Don't Buy the First Album, Jerk-Wad. Get This One!, The Vinyl Countdown, War On Xmas, Made in Montreal, Black, Dead or Alive in 92, 100,000 Watts Of Pure Power (At Least That's What We Tell All The Girls), and 15 more.
1. |
Merry Crisis
02:22
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Merry Crisis
Merry Crisis
Merry Crisis and a Happy New Fear
Been sitting here all Christmas Eve
Shotgun resting on my knee
All set to go, let’s lock and load
And keep us Santa-free
Don’t care who you are you big fat goof
Just get that reindeer off my roof
Permission denied, prepare to be fried
I’m making me some stew
Merry Crisis, what can I do?
Merry Crisis, one line or two?
Merry Crisis, home of the brave
Merry Crisis, fire and be saved
Merry Crisis, smile and disguise
Merry Crisis, whites of their eyes all fade to black
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2. |
War on Christmas
02:23
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Martin’s a mall Santa, he’s the best that you’ll see
A favourite of the kids and of their families
Suddenly surrounded by security
The slay bells toll
Get lost Santa, pops you know it’s time to go
Some people are offended by your ho-ho-hos
Pack up your presents and the mistletoe
The slay bells toll for thee
War on Christmas
War on fun
War on Christmas
War on fun grab a gun
It’s time to get things done
We won’t dim the lights without a fight
Xmas x'ed for the Happy Holidays
Elves are unemployed, Xmas trees are razed
Martin turns, eyes they burn, voice so crazed
The slay bells toll
Burn all the toys
Kill all the joy
Spirit of the season -- Destroyed
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3. |
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Elves are working overtime
Feeding that assembly line
Santa’s whip is cracking coz his night is coming fast
Reindeer stomp out in the yard
A sound is heard, it’s coming hard
Kris’s mouth it opens and then we feel the blast
Time is closing in, time to pick a side
Coz it’s the night the reindeer died
Walls they buckle, bodies fly
Smoke it rockets to the sky
The cross it marches proudly as the workshop starts to burn
Santa turns and grimly smiles
Locks and loads, that man has style
Faces the Crusaders and the tables start to turn.
Time is closing in, time to pick a side
Rhyme and reason fail if you can’t decide
Find your faith again, a changing of the tide
Coz it’s the night the reindeer died
One down, forty to go
Face down in the snow
Keep your head, defend the dead
It’s all you really need to know
Elves they line up in the back
Screw defence, now let’s attack
The naughty boys are falling fast like snow flakes from on high
He checked his list, he checked it twice
Those Christians they just ain’t so nice
The Pope’s dark army in retreat and Santa wins tonight.
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4. |
HoHoHo
02:06
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It’s Christmas Eve turn out the light
Thump thump thump gives me a fright
Sneak downstairs, what do I see?
But mom on Santa’s knee
“You’ve been naughty,” Santa says
As she wraps him in her legs
Seems he’s the one who gets the joy
Just hope he leaves a toy
My world it buckles as he chuckles
Ho Ho Ho
Kris’s job is way too tough
Milk and cookies ain’t enough
Mom’s eyes go wide, she sees my gleam
And she starts to scream
A big Arbuckle slapstick chuckle
Ho Ho Ho
Got a sack of stuff from Old Saint Nick
My mom she don’t miss a trick
Now be ready for something funny
Want more loot from the Easter Bunny
Thump thump thump wakes me once more
Know just what I have in store
Mom caught in a bunny hug
Chocolates on the rug
Undoes his buckle, one more chuckle
Ho Ho Ho.
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5. |
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Don’t fuck with Santa Claus
He knows when you’ve been bad and when you dropped your drawers
Don’t fuck with Santa Claus
He’s a bloody veteran of bargain store wars
One down and a hohoho
A shot of gin and he’s ready to go
He’s got his list, he’s checked it twice
Hears all the crying, gets set to start the lying
Two down and a hohoho
This stupid fatboy look has got to go
Boffing Buffy elf behind the mall
Little Jimmy sees all, little bastard starts to ball
No more whining
No more pacifying
Reindeer dining
Rudolph tastes so satisfying
Three down and a hohoho
Those tasteless tweens want all of the show
Won’t let them win, won’t give a thing
The greatest gift awaits him, unemployment’s so rewarding.
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6. |
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Clock strikes eight o’clock
Jump out of bed I’m ready to rock
It’s a happy day
Elbow your roommate right out of my way
The stockings are all hung but who cares if Santa’s there
There’s fake snow on the tree
Plus a load of presents and they’re all for me
Don’t want no socks and no underwear
Takes more than that to show you care
Don’t want no books and nothing practical
It better be something magical
Nintendo just won’t make the grade
Just ain’t worth the cash you paid
Got luxuries and all that you could buy
Don’t see why you even try
Coz all I want for Xmas is a big wet kiss
Reindeer stew for lunch
Drinking vodka-eggnog punch
Don’t want no fancy poems
Leave those Christmas cards at home
Cut Kris down to size
Replace him with some girl who can aerobicise
Time to modernize
That beer commercial look just seems the most wise
The stockings are all hung and who cares if we all stare?
Her red corvette stuffed to the teeth
With a load of presents and they’re all for me.
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7. |
Reindeer Pie
01:20
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Spike the eggnog, give it bite
No sugar plums for me tonight
The milk and cookies set up in the middle of my snare with care
I still believe in Santa Claus
Breaking all but Murphy’s Laws
And I’ve been so damned good that I’m expecting presents everywhere
Anti-aircraft missiles light up the sky
Soon I’ll be munching on some fresh reindeer pie
Screw the sleighbells, burn the log
I like Nick’s cheerleading squad
The tiny pitter-pattervof those spike-heeled thigh-high patent boots
If I were him I’d check that list he has
Coz I’m fully armed and I’m feeling real bad
Smash the sweatshop, free the elves
He never lets them be themselves
A jolly old dictator who hohohos while his workers strive
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8. |
Santa Claus Slasher
02:43
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Well it’s late at night and all through the place
Not a creature is stirring, they’re all sleeping and safe
In their beds
Sugar plums in their heads
Coz it’s Christmas time and everything is fine in their beds
Suzie gets woken by a noise in the dark
She goes downstairs where she gets a start
All alone
Intruder in the home
But no need to fear, cause Santa’s here, all alone
He’s the Santa Claus Slasher
He’s gonna mash her
The Santa Claus Slasher is on the loose tonight
The family wakes up from their sugar plum dreams
Go downstairs and they start to scream
All too late they discover Santa’s fate
Suzie’s gift to thee, he decorates the tree, a grisly fate
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9. |
Do You Believe?
02:46
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Do you believe in Old Saint Nick?
A jolly old guy who gives to the rich?
Do you believe in mistletoe, kissing people you don’t know?
It’s all in faith, no need to reason
Just kill a tree for the Christmas season
Do you believe?
Do you believe in the Easter Bunny?
The Tooth Fairy? You’re in the money
Do you believe in Peter Pan?
His fairy dust makes magic, man
When you go to sleep don’t extinguish the light
There’s monsters under your bed tonight
Do you believe?
Do you believe that rock ‘n roll has got the power to purge you soul? Do you believe in limousines?
Air-brushed photos in magazines?
Old-age rockers meet Mr. Hall.
An interview laced with Geritol
Do you believe?
Lying, crying, trying, dying
Admit defeat, seek release
From a willing suspension of disbelief
Do you believe that might makes right?
Never give up without a fight
Do you believe in Desert Storm?
Drug wars, Star Wars and the right to bear arms?
You don’t need no smarts, just patriotism
Most of this stuff don’t stand to reason
Do you believe?
Do you believe in democracy?
Do you know what it means to be free?
Do you believe in the US of A?
The two-party system’s the American way
Just sit at home and feel powerless
Equality’s just round the corner, miss
Do you believe?
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10. |
Auld Lang Syne
02:59
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Ripcordz Montreal, Québec
Formed in 1980 and been playing ever since. Proud Punks from Montreal. We've played more than 2,500 shows and put out 18 albums. But we're not living in the past. Our new stuff is our best stuff.
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